Feeling Guilty for Not Having Mom Guilt

I read a really good blog post the other day from the Culture Mom called “To Work or Not to Work.” She talks about her regret of quitting her full-time job after the birth of her two children. I laughed as I read through her story because it rang true to me. I did the very same thing years ago after my first child was born. I left my wonderful job in corporate communications for a Fortune 500 company to be a full time stay-at-home mom. It was the life that I thought I always wanted. My mom was home when I was little and I guess I always assumed I would want the same thing when I had children. I could imagine the endless days of crafting and playing, enjoying my children and cuddling on the couch. Ha! Ha! Ha! Fast forward three kids later and that dream of a life had turned into a bad reality tv show. I spent all day playing referee to fighting toddlers. I never looked nice, never felt nice. I wore sweat pants and maternity shirts for probably 1000 days in a row. I spent my days changing diapers, making bottles, and getting food thrown at me (or worse – spit up on me!). I found myself unhappy, unhealthy and uncertain of my decision. Not quite what I had in mind.

I eventually went back and much like the Culture Mom, I think I’m happier as a career-mom. Maybe it’s my internal drive to climb the career ladder, or my social personality, or maybe the fact that I was bored silly by being at home, but coming back to work was the best decision for me. I love connecting with people; I love writing; I love being challenged each day. The deadlines and the pressure motivates me and working with high-level career women inspires me.

There’s only one thing I feel guilty about and that’s not having the mom guilt. I don’t sit at work and feel bad for not being there. I don’t yearn for the days of being home with my kids. I don’t even really give it much thought other than when I talk to other career-moms who feel the same way. I kinda feel guilty for not feeling guilty… strange, I know. But there is one thing I know - being a career-mom rocks.

The Power of Intrinsic Motivation

What motivates you? What drives you to do your best each day at work and/or home? Is it something internal - a desire to accomplish your personal goals and perform something truly meaningful to you? Or is it something external like a big salary, a nice car or a fancy house?

I read an interesting article the other day on building and motivating teams. It focused on the importance of intrinsic motivation - the motivation that comes from within a person, as opposed to extrinsic motivation, which is tied to external rewards. According to the article, the best way to motivate a team is to fill it with people that truly care about what they do. Not because of the great benefits, but just because they really love it.

After thinking about it more in-depth, I'd have to agree. When I'm at work I'm motivated by working on projects that inspire me, things that I care about and believe in. I'm happier when I work on those types of projects and in the end that makes me want to work harder. One example is diversity. It's a passion of mine, probably because my family is diverse by having a child with special needs.

I've had the opportunity to work on a few projects that focus on diversifying the workforce in our company and I really enjoyed it. Connecting with all types of people, and seeing how their unique talents can come together to make an organization stronger, really inspired me. I wasn't paid any more to do the work (most of it was actually done after-hours on a volunteer basis) but I was motivated.

I think everyone is still motivated by money and job titles (there wouldn't be a corporate ladder if we weren't!) but doing what you love is just as important. If you don't believe in what you do, or what you sell, then no one will believe in you!

The Life of a Pretend Structuralist

Almost a month ago our team at work took a test called "Emergenetics" - simply put, it's a brain-based assessment of thinking and behavior. I love this kind of stuff, I think it's so interesting. Not just learning about my personality, but also learning about the rest of my team. It's really a fun way to see what makes people tick and I think it would be great if everyone had it done and then walked around with a little sticker on their shirt showing their profile so that you knew what to expect!... ok, maybe that's going too far. But I think it's extremely helpful, especially when you're working with someone on a project.

So after taking the test online, I tried to guess what my thinking makeup would be. You end up falling into four categories: Social, Conceptual, Structural and Analytical. I figured I'd be two things: social and structural. I love meeting/talking/working with people and I love organization! HA!!! Here were my actual results...

Social - 59%, Conceptual - 25%, Analytical - 11% and Structural - 5%! WHAT?!??! The Queen of Organization has been living a SHAM! I'm not structural at all! I sat there stunned. Now you probably wonder why anyone would actually care, but I did. I've always felt like I'm a pretty well-organized Virgo. I love charts, lists, spreadsheets. timelines... they make me happy. I'm an addict of the label maker, I could color-code organizing bins all day. I'm envious of the perfectly organized closets on tv. But then it dawned on me... I'm NOT structural at all. I'm a MESS! I'm CONCEPTUAL! My brain is all over the place! It never stops - I can go from point A to Z in 2 minutes flat. My house looks like a bomb went off on it at any time. I wake up writing in my head - and unless I jot it down, the ideas will just keep flowing. I can't keep track of my debit card, my keys, or anything that isn't strapped to me. I just use organizing, charting and making lists as a way to "calm down" my conceptual side of my personality! WOW - what an a-ha moment I had.

I then realized something else. I love living in chaos. I love it when things are all over the place, when I have 10 deadlines at once, when I'm working on multiple projects, when things change. Chaos is a motivator to me. It keeps me going fast, it keeps me focused. The minute things get too calm, I get bored and I can't focus. Maybe it's the adrenaline, or maybe it's just because that's how I'm hard-wired, but at least now I know that structure isn't what makes me happy - it's having chaos, something new and exciting, that keeps me going.

I'm all right-brained and proud of it!

Happy New Year!!

I love starting a new year! Something about taking out a blank calendar makes me feel like it's a fresh start - a new beginning and a time when I can refocus on what I want to accomplish both personally and professionally. 2011 was a VERY exciting year - I went back to work full-time after freelancing for a few years while the kids were little. I can honestly say that it was a great decision because I work for an amazing company and with wonderful people. I really like the fact that I can see my career at Wyndham Vacation Ownership growing each year! My biggest fear was the mom guilt, having to put three kids who were used to being at home with me everyday into full-time school, but you know what? They're doing great! I finally feel like I have a good balance of both family and career. I'm fortunate to have a husband who supports me and helps me in so many ways. A happy wife is a happy life right? :)

I have a few resolutions for 2012 and in the spirit of the new year, I'll share three of them with you! Here's wishing you and your families a wonderful New Year's Eve!

Stay Positive - The one thing I can always count on to stay the same is change. 2011 was a year of tremendous change for me and my family and I don't expect 2012 to be any different. My goal is to stay positive. As a control-freak Virgo, it's easy for me to get a little flustered when my plans are thrown into the air, but if there's anything I've learned in since having three little kids it's that, "I plan and God laughs." I think it's important to make a conscious decision each day to be happy. No one can make you happy but yourself, so staying positive is key even during the most difficult moments.
Embrace My Strengths - Recently our department took a test called Emergenetics to learn more about our personalities. What I learned is that I'm very right-brained - social and conceptual (what a surprise right?!) I'm also expressive, aggressive and flexible. Sometimes I feel like my outgoing personality doesn't really fit in a corporate setting. However, what I do know is that my outgoing personality helps me connect with people and that's a good strength to have - especially when you work in the world of communications. Building relationships is key to my success and in 2012 my goal is to embrace the things that make me unique. Diversity makes this world a better place and it sure would be boring if we were all the same. I know I'm not a wallflower - never have been and never will be - and if there's one quote that makes me happy it's:


Learn, Grow, Lead! - Ok, I ripped that tagline off our Learning and Development team at work, but it's a good one. I've learned so much in 2011 and in 2012 I just want to keep learning. In the past year I've realized that I have a passion for social media, diversity, inspirational leadership, generations in the workplace and so much more. That's because I've kept my mind open to learning as much as possible. This is one reason why I love Twitter so much. It's like a 24/7 learning channel. I also want to grow as a professional, continue establishing relationships with those who are more experienced than I and keep an open mind when they give me advice. I have a wonderful mentor at work and I'm so grateful for the time he takes to guide and help me. He's a sounding board for ideas, helps me solve problems and gives me great advice. He inspires me to grow and lead others by doing the same. In a recent conversation he said, "You don't have to have a big title to be a leader - anyone can lead you just need to do what you can to inspire others." This pic says it best:

I hope everyone has a wonderful 2012! I'm excited to see what the new year will bring!

I'm NOT a morning person!

My blog's two-year anniversary is coming up next month and I laugh because although my life has changed so much in the 730 days since it's creation, one thing has not changed - the fact that I am NOT a morning person! I call my blog, "Narratives of a Night Owl" because I'm just that - a night owl. I love staying up late and I rarely go to bed before midnight even though I know I'll have to be up by 7:00 getting ready for work and getting my three little ones off to school. I just love everything about nighttime. It's quiet, it's dark, it's peaceful. My brain thinks best at night, I'm the most creative then. My writing flows so much easier and I can spend hours reading about things that I find interesting. I've always been into blogging, but recently I've joined the world of Tweeting. I can spend hours reading articles from FastCompany, or DiversityInc, or on WorkingMothers. So just in case I didn't have enough time before keeping up with Facebook and two blogs, now I have my Twitter handle (@OneDrivenChick) and I also plan on starting a Pintrest account. I just love the world of social media and the best part is that you can do it any time of day. It's a 24/7 world out there and for Night Owls like me, it's so much fun!

I Need More Arms!

How is 2012 beginning in less than a week? It's just not possible! This year has been a whirlwind - but I have to say I've loved every minute of it. On January 3rd I will celebrate my 1-year anniversary of going back to the the corporate world. It's been nothing short of amazing and one of the best decisions of my life. I was so worried about the mom guilt and how my kids would handle life without me 24-hours a day - and you know what? EVERYONE is happier! I'm just really excited to see what the new year holds. However, if there's one thing I could use, it would be a few more arms!

I feel bad that I've neglected my personal blog this year, but I've been really focused on JD's blog (www.followingjdsjourney.blogspot.com). In 2012 I'll be back to doing what I love to do - write just to write! Hope everyone had a wonderful 2011 and is ready to take 2012 by the horns!!!

Camp Boggy Creek

I have to brag for a minute... I really have the best job in the world! I spent the entire afternoon at Camp Boggy Creek discussing my company's philanthropic program and our plan for supporting the Hole in the Wall Camps for 2011! What an amazing group of people - they dedicate their lives to helping terminally ill kids. I'm so happy that I can be a part of their program. I'm really excited about getting our associates geared up to volunteer... with 13,000 people we can really make a diffference.

It was a really eye-opening experience. Seeing these kids enjoying the camp with their family really tugs at my heart strings. It makes me appreciate how fortunate we are to have three healthy kids. Even with JD's disabilities, it's nothing compared to what these families endure everyday.